Why do you want to live here?... (Part III)

There are two reasons to change your country.  One is because you think you will have better opportunities.  The other is because you really like a place.

I was a business analyst in my old life.  I have this propensity to analyze, dissect, reanalyze, plan, and analyze some more, and then finally come to a conclusion.  Friends constantly tease me about my need to research.  Who do they come to when they want a recommendation?  Duh...

Today when I had coffee with my friend Ana, we talked about being here in Argentina.  Ana is Argentinian.  For the last 20 years she and her family lived in Panama. They have recently returned to Buenos Aires.  I met Ana through my blog. 

I asked Ana if she was happy to be back in Argentina.  She paused a second and thought, "Yes," she said, "I am.  I can think of no other place I would rather be."  Then she posed the question to me. "And you, how long are you here for?"  "Para siempre (forever)." I replied.  Ana was surprised. "Really?"  "Yes"  I told her.  She asked me how I could be so sure.

I told her how I came here 18 times in 4 years before I made the decision to come permanently.  I told her that I knew this would be a permanent decision. I knew that there would be no going back.  I had researched, spreadsheeted, and analyzed every possible way I could make this move; renting my house, selling my house, working for someone like Sun or IBM. Each time I came I put myself in a different mode of life - once a month with no tango to be sure tango was not the motivator for me to come here.  Other times I did other things all to make sure that this was the right decision for me. 

"And?" Ana asked.  I told her, I have never regretted for one minute selling my beautiful house, my car, my truck, and almost everything else I had accumulated.  Things that once meant something no longer did.  I never think to myself what the hell did I do?  I am very happy here.  I always feel so lucky, so blessed to have this life I now have.

What about the others who come here to live permanently?  How do they fair?  In the last couple weeks I have been surrounded by "Ex-Pat meltdowns" and they are not pretty. The reality of living here sets in and many, in fact most, cannot take it.

I read before I came here that ex-pats go through several stages.  The first 6 - 9 months is the "honeymoon stage."  Everything is new and wonderful  Here people tend to buy their apartment, remodel it, and buy furniture.  Most are doing this without speaking the language.  So they pay way more than they need to because the have to have architects  and others who speak English. 

At first not speaking the language is not that big a deal.  I think most people in this stage are more like on an extended vacation.  They enroll in Spanish classes with the idea they will become fluent in a few months, and then begin to look for friends.  Those being others who speak English, which typically end up being other ex-pats.

Around 6 - 9 month reality hits.  The air pollution, the noise pollution are a constant.  It is not going to go away.  Every time you open your mouth you get "No entiendo." (I don't understand) Before when you were a tourist it was OK.  Now that you live here, it gets on your nerves.  You need to communicate and you can't unless someone who speaks both languages can help you.

Mundane tasks that go with living in a place begin to be monumental.  Need to call Telecom? Arnet? Multi-Canal? (phone, internet, cable companies) They don't understand you, and you don't understand them.  Your portero is getting sick of you even if you do tip him.  Your new friends either are in the same position or if they do speak both languages don't have the time to always help you.

If you need a doctor, a plumber, or even someone to clean your house, you have to communicate. You are limited to who you can see or work with.  Either that or you pay someone to come with you. After awhile it feels like everyone has their handout. Some people start to get paranoid that everyone is corrupt, everyone is taking advantage of them because they are foreign.  When Argentines don't understand their Spanish they think it is because they don't want to, not because they are talking unintelligible nonsense.

On your free time if you want to see a movie it needs to be one from an English speaking country where they have not dubbed the voices.  The theatre the first few times in Spanish was a novelty. Now it is a crashing bore.

Then there is the friends thing.  You are proud to have Argentine friends.  They invite you to their parties where you find your friends are the only ones that speak English.  Which means you spend most of the night not really being able to communicate with people.  It gets pretty lonely, isolated.

When I have the book exchange of English books in my apartment, it was appalling to me to hear how many people were on anti-depressants  and/or seeing a psychologist.  None of them were doing that before they moved to Buenos Aires, and they were not doing it now to be trendy.  They were truly depressed about living here.

Most people when they hit the 6 month - 1 year mark leave.  They go home to visit, and realize how much easier life is where ever they came from.  Everything is so much simpler.  Sidewalks that don't have tiles that sqoosh water that flies into your face.  Target, Costco, Chinese food, Japanese food, butter that tastes like butter.  They end up going "home," or into meltdown mode.

In meltdown mode nothing here is good.  Everything is bad.  Everything is better in the U.S. (or where they came from.) Everyone is corrupt here (like no one in the U.S. is), nothing works. They have gone from Argentina is a great place to Argentina is the worst place on earth. 

When I look at all the people I have met in the two years I have lived here permanently the majority have left.  Of those that have stayed I know few who are truly happy here, who have integrated into the culture.  They don't go running around looking for butter that tastes like American butter, A1 Steak Sauce, peanut butter, and anything else that is almost impossible to get here.  Like me they have found other things like queso blanco, chimichurri, and migas.  We don't worry about what we can't get or do, we look at all the wonderful things we can get or learn.

Still, people stay here miserable as they are.  They are wealthier versions of the poor who come to the U.S. and live in their own barrios and speak their own language.  Many of them create businesses that feed off the very people they look to support them.  It is an interesting sociological commentary.

I am lucky. I love it here.  Everyday I think how happy I am to have my life here in Buenos Aires. This is the happiest that I have ever been.  I think of all the good things that have happened to me here. As I told Ana, I am here to stay.  So watch out you machista Porteño men, this crazy Norteamericana chica plans to stay here and terrorize you some more!

Comments

[Learn to speak spanish online]

I worked in Singapore for 2 years, couldn't stand the place and the weather.

Back home now.

Know how you feel.

[Janis Kenyon]

I'm with you, Deby. My eight years in BsAs have been the happiest time of my life. I wouldn't leave for anything. I know more Americans who have stayed than those who have tried it and returned.

The adjustment to a new culture and language isn't easy, but worth every effort. Not everyone can, but those who do can be blessed as I am with a new family of Argentine friends.

[Maria Marta]

I love your comments about this subject - insightful as usual :)
I am in the study abroad business, so to speak, and every semester I have students who swear they will come back to live in BA after graduation. And many times I wonder, they lived here for 6 months and are completely fluent in spanish, and yet - do they really understand what it means to live here? I can only hope so...

[Bill]

I've read all 3 parts and agree (and relate to) most of it. I've been here for 9 months and soon to jet back to Canada.
Good and bad times in Arg, like anywhere else in the world. At least I've still got all my money etc..
I was thinking today that Arg is actually one of the most boring countries I've visted in Latin America (and I've been to most of them). That's not meant as an insult, just my personal opinion.

[mafalda]

Hola Deby, thanks a lot for your little episode of "Why do you want to live here?"!! I'm planning to move to Buenos Aires beginning of next year and I'm thinking all the day about almost everything you talked about. It's true, I'm not sure if I will stay there forever, but for me at the moment it's more important just to check it out. Otherwise I would never find out. And if life in Buenos Aires doesn't work for me, ok then I can go back home or somewhere else. I just love the city and would love to be part of it! And you are absolutely right, the most important point is the willingness to learn spanish and to get in contact to local people and the local culture and daily living! Hope to meet you one day in Buenos Aires! :-)

[Diego]

I was born and raised in Argentina from a Canadian father. At the age of 14 my family immigrated to Canada. Interesting enough, the phases you mention (honeymoon, etc.) happens to any expat, whether they settle in Argentina, Canada or Indonesia. There are even studies about this issue (I remember reading that immigrants go through something like four phases).

After a few months in Canada, really hits newcomers merciless. Finding a job in one's related-field is not as simple as one imagined, same luck with the homologation of their studies, etc. etc...

I could assure that a good chunk of newcomers regret their decision after living in Canada for one year. However, why most of them won't? A good answer would be that emigrants from the called "developing world" see their emigration process a point of no return, a fatality, whereas expats like Americans, who emigrate more for the adventure than anything else, would never have the patience to endure what quite a few immigrants have to endure in the US.

Que tengas muy buena vida en Argentina (seguro lo lograrás)