Living for the Momento

Living for the moment. It is an attitude and form of life completely contrary to the North American life I once had. Argentines live for the moment and and North Americans live for the future.  There are lots of good reasons for both forms of life and probably just as many for why they are wrong.  A balance would be better, but from what I can tell, a balance is not the norm for most people, no matter hard they try.

I have adapted.  It bugs my North American friends that I really don't think about the future they way they do.  I sincerely doubt that I am going to be a bag lady in my old age.  I cannot spend my time worrying about it.  I tell my North American friends they worry too much, and they are guided too much by fear.

On the other hand there is my Argentine form of life.  Most of it highly agrees with me.  I have become medio vaga.  Maybe not to my Argentine friends, but certainly to me.  I do not think I could ever go back to the pressure cooker life I once had.  I am more than happy to work my several jobs in order to live the life I have here.

There does come at times a certain lack of respect (for lack of another word) with living for the moment.  Like when people find something better to do and think nothing of canceling plans with or without a word.  It happens all the time.  They like to say no, but it does happen, and it is an aspect I do not like.

When I first started to date, a couple women I met who were living here longer than I cautioned me about the fine points of dating.  One woman told me she had stopped dating because she got tired of getting dressed and waiting only to find her date was not going to come.  She had told me sometimes they call and sometimes they don't.  She was sick of being second to their friends.

I thought maybe she was dating only tango guys.  I figured that was the reason.  Here I am, living here 6 years and I can honestly say the same thing happens to me.  Not a lot, but enough to comment on. Plus these are not tango guys, they are supposedly normal guys "with jobs."

In my former life I do not remember ever being stood up.  Guys might cancel a date, but they cancelled it.  Whether, it be by phone, message, or even email, it got canceled, long before it was supposed to happen.  Here I have been stood up.

I could almost accept that, but then what follows is always so weird.  One man stood me up twice.  The first time he insisted he lost his cell phone and then had to go into work.  Never mind he had my number in his email.  After thinking about it, I gave him the benefit of the doubt.  He stood me up for a second date and for me that was it.  I have refused all communication with him.

I erased him from my cell phone after I got sick of his messages asking for forgiveness and another chance.  He still messages every once in awhile.  I blocked him on MSN.  He got a new email and sent me a message not understanding why I won't talk to him.  Duh.

Is he the only one?  No.  There two others who are the same.  They continue to try and see me even though they stood me up.  They don't understand why I am so angry.  I had a conversation with one after he stood me up the first time.

He told me he didn't call because "Argentine women" are hysterical and he didn't want to hear me go off on him.  He had a problem with one of his kids and could not make the date.  He called 2 days later assuming he could be a chamusero and I would acquiesce to his charms.  He was shocked that I was angry and never wanted to see him again.

A year later we finally did go out again.  I explained to him how in my culture it is very rude to stand someone up.  I told him in the future if he can't make it to just text or call me before.  I would prefer to know that he is not coming than to get ready and have him not show.

Guess what?  He stood me up again months later.  He too, is sending me text messages. (I cannot block numbers on my phone) He sends me emails from new email addresses "Corazon quiero verte".  For me he is a total idiot.  I don't answer.

I talk about this to my friends and they just sort of shrug their shoulders.  My women friends give their proverbial answer "Son hombres."  My guy friends get sort of a knowing smile.  They tell me that "Some men get caught up in the moment with their friends and they don't want to leave."  I tell them it is rude. They acknowledge but "Yes, well, but it is a small thing."  Maybe to them. 

Now for all you Argentine guys who read my blog.  I want you to know, that I know, women do the same. So it is not only the men.  My guy friends have told me this.  I have had girlfriends who cancel at the last moment or who never show up.

A date is supposed to be special.  I don't think anyone, male or female should stand anyone up.  It is disrespectful of the other person's time.  At least in my opinion.  Regardless of how much fun you are having in that moment.  I do agree, once that moment is gone...it is gone.

Comments

[elmarpla]

Well, I have not dated a lot in Argentina, or elsewhere, but as far as friends is concerned, i have not ever been stood up, neither by male nor by female friends. Maybe the dating world is different, but even though i am argentinian, i would definitely consider it rude as you do.

[Katie]

I can completely relate to this post, Deby. I can't speak to this issue in the dating sense, but I can attest to the fact that this happens to me all the time in other aspects of life with Argentines (appointments, get-togethers with friends). It drives me crazy, as I view it as a complete lack of respect for my time. I don't mind if a person can't make it, but call/email and tell me!!!

[Greg]

I know only one Argentine woman, but she was just like this! A typical email exchange:

Her: Some Colombian friends of mine are having a party tonight - would you like to come?

Me: Sure, I'd like that. What should I bring?

Her: [no reply]

Or, "I will go out dancing this weekend", "Let's go for a bike ride Sunday", "I will bring you this book", "I will bring you that movie", and on and on. It was not as if I was pressuring her - she cheerfully volunteered to do all these things, and maybe 1 time in 10 she would actually follow through. After a while I stopped taking her seriously. I thought it was just her but maybe this is a national character trait.

[Muriel]

Sounds like the guys in Barcelona.
Highly unreliable, emotionnaly immature..
No wonder girls become hysterical, they start it.

When women finally get hold of a man they will do anything not to lose him.
It is so dysfunctional.
There's nothing you can do, hopefully you will find an unspoilt 'perle rare'!!