Shut up and dance....

Renting rooms in your apartment is a crap shoot.  You never know what the outcome is going to be.  Most of the time people are pretty normal.  However, they do come with their assorted baggage and expectations.  Unfortunately the baggage is not always the kind you check on the airline.

People ask me if I am afraid to rent to strangers.  For me, no.  I remember when I used to work in LA, when I wanted to stay the weekend, I stayed in the home of some wonderful people who lived off of Sunset Blvd in a beautiful big house with 5 bedrooms.  They rented 2 of the 5 bedrooms.  I had asked them the same question - "Aren't you afraid to rent to strangers."  They answer the same way I do now, "no."

Most of the people who stay with me are referred in one way or another through tango.  They find me through friends, Tango-L, my web page, or this blog.  Someone always knows someone in tango.  Even when they don't come from tango (which is very rare), people are easy to gage from the emails they write.

Having been a business analyst, reading between the lines is something I do well.  Besides dancing tango people have all sorts of reasons they want to stay with me.  There are many unhappy people in the world. They think that if they move to another country, somewhere like Buenos Aires, and change their life like I did mine, they will magically become happy.    Some actually think I have this magic power to transcend them like I did myself. Ummm, sorry, not this week.

There are people who expect for the price of a room, a tango teacher, tour guide, restaurant critic, translator, psychologist, and personal banker.  While I don't mind any of these roles (except personal banker of course)at times, I have no desire to fulfill them all 24 hours a day during their stay.

With all this in mind of the 40 or so guests I have had here in the last 1.5 years there have only been 3 house guests from hell.  That is not too bad.  If they would have fallen over the balcony, it would have been better.  There would have been none. (Just kidding....sort of.)

Most of my guests come, they spend their time here and they leave.  Sometimes we go out together, most of the time no.  I don't like La Viruta, or Canning, or La Nacional, or Porteño.  Not my scene,and I can't pretend even for a guest.  I tell them that even if they pay me, I still will not go to La Viruta.  Sorry.  They don't like El Beso, Lo de Celia, Gricel, or many of the other places I dance.  Probably because it is much harder for them to get asked or to ask.  Every once in awhile I shock the organizers and show up at their milongas that I usually don't go to.  Different milongas for different people.  I don't understand why anyone would want to spend the money dancing with people who they already know. How can you get excited spotting people from your same country?  (Oh my gawd...I met people from Denver...)

They ask me how I learned to dance so well, then want to argue with me about teachers.  I don't argue anymore.  They can take from whoever they want.  Some leave dancing worse than when they came with a lot lighter wallet. Some never go to dance, they are too tired after taking 3 - 4 lessons each day.  I don't get it.  Why do you take so many lessons if you never go to dance?  "To get better." they tell me.  "To fix my problems."

I still don't get it.  Why don't they just enjoy dancing?  Milena Plebs an extrordinary dancer says: " Tango is the most intimate dance that exists between two people. What has changed in the last decade is that dancing tango has become more associated to a profession. Previously, it was basically a form of social encounter.." El Tangauta May 2007  Gloria and Eduardo a famous couple who have been dancing almost 50 years teach almost no private lessons.  When asked why they responded " Because we do not feel comfortable doing it. They are not always necessary and we feel that is most of all a business."  Yet most of my guests are manic to shell out money to pay for private lessons to teachers only too happy to take it.

I never did that.  OK, I was lucky.  I had mentors.  I had men who danced with me.  I had Pocho.  But still, every single one of them always talked about enjoying the dance.  Yes, they all said I could be a professional dancer.  But that is not why we danced together.  It was the love of the dance, the music. There was never this fierceness to get better, only a desire to be able to dance well enough to enjoy my dance.

What does Milena Plebs mean when she says tango has become associated to a profession.  I can't speak for her, I can only tell you what my experience is.  My friend Sandra and I go to dance together on Fridays.  Sometimes we have other friends with us, sometimes it is just us.  We always have a blast.  The organizers tease us.  We like to say we are the "bad girls of tango."  Why?  We can't stop laughing. We are having too much fun.

We don't care if we dance or we don't.  The thing is we always dance unless we don't want to.  It is not a big thing to us.  People always come to our table to laugh and joke with us.  Sandra has a mouth that doesn't quit.  I call her my "maestra de las palabras malas."  (My teacher of the bad words)  She has taught me more trash than anyone else.  After a long week working we want to relax and have fun.  We don't want to have more pressure.

I find this attitude is about the same in most of the Argentines I know who dance.  It does not matter what level they are.  They come to relax, to see friends.  Share.  Hopefully you dance.  I know in the foreigners there is an intenseness to succeed.  To have a record number of dances.  To dance the best. To do the most footwork. (A real ugh most of the time)

I talk to many of the people who stay with me.  They think I am living the dream.  I am in Buenos AIres. I could dance 7 days a week and probably 15 hours a day...but I don't.  They don't understand why not. What for?  It would be boring.  You get sick of the same people. AND there just are not that many good dancers.  Yes, even here.  I need to have more in my life.

They tell me how they would love to quit their job and come here for 3 months.  What for?  To get better. AND? That is when I get the blank look.  What do I mean AND?  And for what?  They explain to me how they want to be the best dancers in their community. AND?  More strange looks.  Like what are you going to do with it?  You don't understand, they tell me.  No,I am afraid I don't. This is a social dance, not a job.  Why don't you just shut up and dance?

Comments

[Tina]

Great post. I remember we stopped into Canning, and I was not impressed at all - it was ALL Americans from the West Coast who I already knew, and none of whom I like dancing with. They were flailing their legs around without control, and SOOO excited to see each other in Buenos Aires, even though they all see each other regularly anyway. I remember shaking my head and saying to Mi Amor, "I hope these people don't confuse this with the real Tango." It's like flying to a new country but staying in a sheltered resort instead of staying in the middle of town in a local-run B&B. Know what I mean?
People don't seem to understand that part of learning and understanding Tango means so much more than classes - you gotta be going to milongas, learning the entire culture, being social, enjoying the connection one shares with another person. Some of my least favorite leads are perpetual tango "students" who take class upon class, but never go to milongas. Some of my favorite leads haven't taken a lot of classes but never miss a milonga. There ya go. Like you said in a previous entry, people down there don't care who you study with, they care about whether you can dance.

[Bob Finch]

As someone who came to BsAs and took private lessons, I find your comments interesting.
I too am amazed that anyone would travel that far and not go to the milongas, but my desire to be a better dancer,is more a desire to lead unambiguously. There are women out there who will get bored if you do not do more and more moves, and so for someone like me who just wants to be a better social dancer, it is nice to hear from women who do not want acrobatics. Lets hope we meet on the dance floor next time I am there.

[La Tanguera]

Dear Deby,

Thanks so much for this post... you are right. For some people, especially outside the traditional milongas in Argentina, Tango often becomes just another hook from which to hang their insecurities... :}

In the end, it is the experience... of the dance, of the music, of the community, of the history. And this sets those two views on Tango a whole universe apart!

[mejarc]

Hallelujah! I've been nagged by this sinking feeling I get so often I hear somebody describe a "good" dancer. I didn't know why I felt so dismayed-- but you've described this strange, comparing-mind, brainwashed-by-stage-shows attitude exactly!

Oh, and another pet peeve of mine is to hear people brag that since they're so "good" at ballet/salsa/swing/tap/Armenian folk dance, they'll be "great" tango dancers with little difficulty.

Thanks for your post. There are so many people I wish would read it.